A few tips on skateboarding

Skateboarding is a fun sport, but can also be dangerous if you arent careful. I am going to show you what happens when you are not careful. My guy remembered his helmet & kneepads (high five), but forgot to wear his elbow pads (lil shit). He thinks that it would be cool to jump off a ramp and over his friend.

Now, Im sure it looks like a really badass trick, but lets see what happens when you attempt to pull off a stunt like
this ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Doest look so cool anymore, does it?

Also, remember this very important tip! Please be careful of flying sporks while skateboarding as we do not wish for anyone to get shanked in the eye!

Your welcome! Thanks for reading my blog :)

Cheesecake

I have a lot to do tonight, but I wanted to stop and write a poem about cheesecake because I like to put my priorities in order.

I originally wrote this poem about loving cheesecake and I asked my 7 year old to go into the kitchen and take a pic of my cheesecake for me cause the lighting was bad in my bedroom. when I loaded his picture onto the computer i noticed he had put carrots on the plate so I wrote it into the poem..lol...Enjoy!

CHEESECAKE

When I eat you, cheesecake.
There is no stopping.
I love your cherry
And cool whip topping.

Through my mouth
And down to my tummy.
I don't care if your cherries
Hurt my bummy.

Don't really like your calories,
But you always stick around.
You are so very wonderful.
That I'll take that extra pound.

I love you cheesecake,
Lets dance in the rain.
Id be happy to marry you.
If it wasn't insane.

Wed walk down the isle,
And instead of a kiss.
Id take a big bite
Of your sheer yummy bliss.

Wed have cheesecake bite children.
With little cherry heads.
And id try not to eat them
As I put them to bed.

Wait a minute cheesecake!
Who's that next to you on the plate?
Why, that sneaky little carrot!
You guys going on a date?

Why my precious cheesecake,
Are you doing this to me?
We had something special.
Oh, why cant you see?

I'm through with you cheesecake.
They say if you love them let them go.
Hope you and carrot are happy.
That skanky little hoe.

Tomorrow when I'm shopping.
I'll find my Apple pie.
Hope you and your precious carrot,
Rot in hell and die!

So you want me back now cheesecake?
I guess I will say yes.
I kinda missed you anyway,
You really are the best!

So glad to have you back.
Please never leave again.
You are my favorite, cheesecake
I'll love you till the end.

My wondering mind

I was looking at greeting cards the other day and the woman next to me was singing. I cant remember what song it was, but it was very annoying & made it hard to concentrate on what I was reading in the cards. I wanted to reach over & twist her nipple & say, "Im sorry, I was just trying to see if I could get another station cause that one was horrible.", but I refrained...:)

Something Free for Everyone!

My friend Mary & I were at Ken Garff Nissan last week looking for a car & noticed they had free pop (soda for you semi awesome people), popcorn and coffee... & not just coffee, but good coffee. You should have seen my face light up when I saw all this stuff. You mean to tell me that I pass this place every day & then stop at the gas station to pay for my cappuccino? Well, here's the kicker, I'm pretty sure that they add your free crap onto the price of the car that you buy, not only that, but I'm pretty sure they add everyone else's free crap (who didn't buy a car) onto the price of your loan also..here's why I think this..because they told me my payments were going to be $255 a month and then they somehow went up to $259. Now your probably thinking, its only $4.00 a month, who cares..Well, I care because you take $4.00 a month times 70 months & you get $280.... So, it got me thinking cause that's what I do. I did some calculations & buying a "soda" or coffee plus a bag of popcorn would cost about $1.50..so, If i divide it out by 6 years & take my kids once every 4 months (so they don't get too suspicious) I can get us all some free goodies & I can have them pay back my $280 with free pop, cappuccino and popcorn. .... So we started this week. Don't believe me? Of course I have a picture...



Now, once every 4 months for 6 years will come to about $135, so your probably thinking, "what about the other $145?", well...I would like to invite everyone who reads this blog to go to Ken Garff Nissan to share the wealth. If you go to the one on Riverdale Rd. in Riverdale, UT make sure you tell them that Awesome Jana sent you. Better yet, if you email me a picture of you & one of the salespeople with a free drink in your hand I will not only autograph it for you and post it on my blog, but I will send you a free 2 oz. lotion, fragrance mist or shower gel from Bath & Body in your favorite scent. (men, they have mens scents too that are really good) Why?, cause I have a shit ton of it. If you don't live close to Riverdale, good news! Just go to any Ken Garff Nissan and make sure you get a picture of you & the salesperson with your free drink in hand. "What"?, you say, "get a picture of me & a Ken Garff salesperson with our free drinks? That's impossible"..well good thing for you, I tested this...Your welcome..They are happy to get their picture with you, even if your just coming in for free crap.



Yeah, I was thinking they would look down on this too, but apparently they think its funny. Probably because they don't pay for all that free crap out of their own pockets. So hurry on down to your local Ken Garff & send your pictures to awesomejana@hotmail.com. *. Thanks for reading my blog. :)

*Caution! Please be careful of flying sporks while doing these shenanigans as we do not wish for anyone to get shanked in the eye

Disclaimer: I really did buy a vehicle from Ken Garff Nissan & I will definitely go back when its time to buy another one (I will just make sure the price I agree on is an out the door price), but theres no hard feelings, just me trying to be the smartass that I am. ;)

I bought Brenden a slinky. Cause im an awesome mom, of course...Well, he held it up on the way home from the store & said, "this toy sucks mom"....heres what it looked like.

Why is someone like me not married?

"Why is someone like you not married?". I get asked this question quit a bit..This is definitely an interesting question and of course I was determined to come up with the perfect answer. Now, I know that I am awesome, but Im sure many woman get asked this same question so I have decided to share some of the answers I have used in the past to help you get rid of the creep that askes you this question. Use one of these and you are sure to never hear from the question asker again, but remember, whatever one you decide to use, make sure you say it with the most serious face you have or it wont work. And when you are done saying it, cock your head sideways and open your eyes really wide. Then keep staring at him like your waiting for an answer..works every time! Your Welcome.

1. "I dont know, probably the same reason why someone like you doesnt have a better job."
2. "The voices in my head tell me that im not allowed to get married."
3. *with a lisp* "well thir, cauth no one hath athsked to marry them. Mabye thith ith my lucky day." *smile really big on this one*
4. "Because nobody wants to marry a hooker."
5. "Because spiderman has not come down to swoop me up yet and I know hes coming so im staying available."
6. "Someone like ME? Somone like ME? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" *grabbing your hair and acting like your pulling it out of your head* "AHGGGHH!!!"

Now, if you actually want to go on a date with him, thats easy...just say.
"Because ive been waiting for Mr. perfect to come along.. and I think my wait is over" Then introduce yourself. Note: This has never happened to me, I always get the weirdos, but im pretty sure it will work if hes asking why your not married....... Thanks for reading my blog :)

A Hairy Situation..Solved

This one is geared towards females, but if you are a male and have a girlfriend/wife/friend with benefits..etc, you will be the cats meow if you give her this little tid bit of information...

I have a wedding to go to soon and I'm getting my hair done...I have straight hair so I guess I want it curly. I called around for an appointment and the average cost for a hairdo was $30....What? ..I think having them bend me over and stick the curling iron up my ass would probably hurt less than giving them $30 to curl my hair!..well, being the cheap ass that I am I started thinking, and because I'm awesome I came up with this brilliant idea. I have straight hair, what does everyone with strait hair do? Curl it. What does everyone with curly hair do? Straighten it...:)...LIGHT BULB!

I am going to wear my hair straight, because its already straight, and talk about my crazy natural curls and how long it took me to tame those beasts into the glamorous strait look that I have..Don't worry curly haired girls, you can use this same tactic, just reverse it..Wear your hair with your natural curls and talk about how much you paid to get all those curls put into your poker straight hair. You'll never have to do any work to your hair for a fancy occasion again...and, you will impress people with all the work they think you did to make your hair look so beautiful.... Your welcome..thanks for reading my blog.

Cherries

I was super excited to start my blog, but I worked until mindnight and I work again at 8:30 tomorrow morning so I decided to put my priorities in order... blog, then sleep. Tonight im going to talk about cherries. Cherries are delicious, but ive heard people say they give you the shits. I dont remember ever getting the shits from eating cherries, but I figured id be nice and do the experiment so that all of you can be safe if its really true. No need to thank me, its what I do...So, yesterday I ate a bowl full of cherries...nothing..stupid experiment...but I am not one to give up so today I had cherries for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I ate other things too, but I made sure I ate at least a bowl of cherries for each meal.) Now, whoever said cherries give you the shits... is right. Bravo to you. They not only give you the shits, but they make your stomach cramp up like theres a little troll in there trying to tie-dye shirts with the double twist method. So heres my advice....you dont feel like going to work? need to get out of a date? wanna stay home from school? Eat a shit ton of cherries. Why go thru all the trouble to bake a pan of brownies with exlax in them when you dont like someone?..just give them a huge bowl full of cherries. Taken care of! I dont feel like doing anything right now cause my stomach hurts so bad. If I wasnt so excited about starting my blog I would probably be lying on the floor whining like a little baby. Glad I could help you out with this experiment..bastards..Thanks for reading my blog.